Diabetes wont take my love, happiness and hope

My name is Trisha Mullins I was very young when I was first diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes and didn't know why I was dying. They never knew what was wrong with me until I ended up in the hospital. I remember telling the ones closest to me goodbye. My blood sugars had been over one-thousand when I saw myself dreaming in heaven I was so bad at the time I couldn't move or talk I looked very sick and forgot what it felt like to not be sick. All I could think is that Id get to see my grandmother once again. I remember my mother telling me when the doctors were talking she overheard them saying I wouldn’t make it. It has been one of the toughest things in my life to deal with and I still didn't take care of myself like I should have. I let my blood sugars reach off the meters most of the time and never thought much of it. I had sclerosis of the liver and even had my gall bladder removed. I was very young and uneducated about diabetes. I have never been more educated about diabetes then I am right now. I learned that it hurts you later on in life and doesn't only affect you but the ones that love you. The last year I have been in and out of the ER and hospital sometimes 3 to 4 times a week. It started with my boyfriend finding me passed out all the time from me being in so much pain from stomach cramps and vomiting. It has played an emotional toll on both of us and I can imagine has changed his life dramatically I’m lucky to have someone that love me the way he does. Although I am very sick now and have been the past year. I have found the perfect guy but it seems like we spend most of our time in doctors offices and in the hospital. I am only 20 and I am in so much pain all the time I cant live with the pain much longer. I am always vomiting, crying in pain, my neuropathy is excruciating, along with gastroperesis, my skin hates clothes and hurts so bad sometimes, I have so many mood swings and sometimes I’m not even in my head. I never imagined not being able to do some of the simplest tasks and realize the things I took for granted. I was given over 9 medications and had allergic reactions and devastating side effects that will never go away. Doctors never informed me why I was having the serious problems I was. My tongue was stiff as a board and I couldn’t talk I would get so frustrated and people just thought it was funny. I I turned into a zombie at one point and I would stare at the wall all day, when I walked I had my arms to the side and didn’t move them when I walked like I was being controlled. I couldn’t remember what anyone was talking about and almost seemed like I was going crazy. I was on reglan for nausea, cymbalta for my legs and lyrica for my skin, high blood pressure medications, so many pain killers they could have killed me. I now have constant twitching, sleep problems, my blood sugars are uncontrollable, I get infections very easily have severe panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and numerous amounts of other complications all because of medication I shouldn’t have even been on. Every time I get ketones I end up extremely sick and with ketoacidosis. I don’t understand why things are like this I do everything I can to take care of myself now and have a boyfriend that’s always taking my blood sugars and had made himself sick never sleeping and always worrying about if I am going to wake up. I am starting to feel so hopeless. Seems like something always goes wrong I lost my insurance so its hard to even get any help from anyone. Its hard to pay for test strips all the time and medications. I have to test over 12 times a day which is outrageous. Sometimes I forget who I am I used to be so outgoing and loved to take advantage of every opportunity now I find myself staring down flight of stairs like its my worst nightmare. I loved to work, clean, dance, I cant take showers or walk a block without my heart feeling like its going to explode and do my workout videos. My blood sugars can go from 10 to 500 in less then 15 minutes and my heart rate reaches over 180 sometimes when I’m just sitting. I’m tired of being in pain and I feel like im going to lose everyone and everything that is so important to me. Sometimes I don’t even wake up from my low blood sugars and my boyfriend has to get my blood sugar up. It seems like their is something always wrong with me. Sometimes I can be sitting and ill suddenly puke. My life has flipped upside down. I am hopefully going into a clinical trial for a pump im hoping that will help. Diabetes has changed my life and I hope no one as young as me has to suffer and live in a hospital I don’t know why I am so sick again I have done everything right and things just seem to get worse. I never thought I could come this close to losing my hope, all I can do is pray and have faith that god has a purpose for me because I know I’m here for a reason and I cant wait to start my life so I can help other people. There’s so much in life you take for granted cherish every second.